I am the child of a bi-polar parent, which means that my early life was filled with chaos, uncertainty, and sometimes violence. Children of bi-polar parents grow up with trust issues, attachment issues, a tendency towards anxiety, depression, and sometimes PTSD. They tend to be hyper sensitive and hyper aware of those around them as they had to figure out what the mood of their bi-polar parent was and adapt to it. They also tend to suppress and deeply bury their emotions. Children of bi-polar parents also often have unusual stress responses so the stress hormones work differently in their bodies which can increase their susceptibility to illness. All of these textbook manifestations of being a child of bi-polar parents were my reality, and I was totally unaware of it.

As an adult, I had all the things in life that I had wanted: family, marriage, health, a beautiful home, money–everything. I managed to create a life that was wonderful on the outside, but yet I still was very unhappy. I have an adventurous and curious nature, and a drive to keep challenging myself, so I dove in to try to figure this out. Since there was nothing left on the outside to “work” on, I turned my attention inward and began exploring. In the exploration, I realized that underneath the unhappiness, there was a lot of stored and hidden trauma. I spent many years addressing and unraveling the trauma that was held in my body, my nervous system, and my internal belief systems.

One of the biggest issues I had was not feeling safe in the world and in my body. I am highly sensitive and easily overwhelmed by the outside world. Having to deal with a chaotic environment and having to attune to parents’ moods became so ingrained that it was an unconscious habit. This is a common experience for children of bi-polar parents.

When I learned to feel safe in my body and began to trust myself, it opened the doors to the deeper hidden traumas that could then be healed. I now feel less anxious, my low-level depression has lifted, and I am more aware of my attunement towards others. Healing didn’t mean that these tendencies went away. It meant that I’m more conscious of them and I have more choice. And it meant that many of these turned into my gifts within the wound. For instance, my attunement with others is something I use in healing sessions with my clients, as it assists me in understanding exactly where someone is in that moment.

That is the essence of the work I do in the world. I help people feel safe enough in their bodies through mindfulness and loving presence that they can uncover deeply buried experiences and nervous system responses/reactions so that they can be seen and healed.